Grocery Shopping Tantrum

Teasers from news shows always reel me in. "How to buy groceries for a month for as little as $100." "This mom of seven spends $50 on groceries." "Suburban mom actually makes money when she grocery shops!"

I clip coupons, I buy in bulk, and I've read every grocery shopping tips website, and our grocery bill is still close to $800 a month!

Apparently there's some pot-o-gold place to live in America where grocery stores triple coupons and have awesome sales. Not in Texas. Here it seems as if we're lucky to use a manufacturer's coupon, one per person.

Last week I did our bi-monthly shopping at our local warehouse extortioner store. I bought only necessities. Milk (three gallons), eggs (two dozen), bread (two loaves), cereal, toilet paper (36 rolls), apple juice (four gallons), etc. Okay, maybe the grapes were a splurge since it's not officially spring yet. It's a double edged sword though, because I'd rather have the kids snacking on fruits and veggies, but there so freak'in expensive. No cookies, no fruit chewies, no Cheeze-Its (much to Second Darling's dismay), and no diapers (bought them last time). When the poor, unsuspecting checker told me the total, I almost had an aneurysm. Aaaaggghhhh!!!! I didn't even have everything on my list....I still had to get some things at a traditional supermarket. $65 was just fruit and vegetables!!!!

What terrifies me to my very soul is that I hear horror stories about how much teenagers eat. Holy cow! My oldest is only nine!

My parents just smile and think I'm ranting when I talk about planting a garden because I can't keep houseplants alive and smuggling a few chickens into the backyard (for their eggs). I'm only half kidding. A few more grocery trips with $65 worth of oranges and lettuce, and you'll find my kids digging plowing up the backyard. It's about time I put them to work, anyway.

Help! I'm an emotional raisin.

Hello precious friends. It's been quite a while since my last post. I hope I haven't lost you all. Even though February is only the second month of the year, it has turned out to be my least favorite so far.

It started out well enough, but since we last met, this is what's happened: Second Darling got strep throat, we were in a car accident on the way home from her doctor's appointment because the original strep didn't clear up. The following week, the stomach flu from you-know-where hit with a vengeance. All of us had some form of it. Fourth Darling had it the worst, although Darling Man would challenge that seeing how he played chess with death and won (his words, not mine). Because she couldn't keep anything down for five days, little Fourth Darling has lost a lot of her chub. She looked so pathetic. Once that was over, finally, we thought we were in the clear. This weekend we decided to tempt fate by taking Fourth Darling to the nursery. So now she's bruised and emaciated. Who wants to place a bet?

Last week, for the first time in a month, we had some good friends over to play. Super Dog was tied up in the yard because he gets so excited and jumpy when the kids are playing. Somehow, the kids migrated to where he was tied up, playing Indians - whooping and hollering. Well, Super Dog thought our kids were in trouble, and bit (yes bit!) one of the visiting girls in the arm. Let's just say I almost had a nervous breakdown at this point. Well, one bite is enough, so Darling Man (being the grown-up in the family) decreed that Super Dog could not stay. So today, we (did I say 'we', I mean 'I') took him to the only no-kill shelter in our city. There were plenty of tears and gnashing of teeth, and the kids cried too.

Yesterday, Sunday, the breaks went out on the big green van. How classy is it to drive home from church using the emergency break? Got to love it. At least we were dressed nicely. You know what this means....a car payment is on the near horizon. The big green van is baked. The best we can hope is that someone will buy it and ship it over the border.

So, perhaps this will explain why I feel like an emotional raisin. I feel like I've had the guts sucked out of me. I would tell you that we managed to get school done despite all these "challenges," but I'd be lying through my teeth. Hopefully March will be better. I'm ready for Spring, for a cleansing, for a vacation a long, long, long way away. Don't give up on my posts. Hopefully I'll get back on track.

Let the bloodletting begin!

It finally happened. I had enough...I couldn't take the chaos any longer. I felt like it was the stuff, or me. I knew I wasn't going anywhere, so it had to be the stuff. We had consistently warned the darlings about their stuff and it's lack of tidiness. We have tried working together, but that ended up with moving crap toys from the give-a-way box to "this is my most specialist favorite animal". Pointing out that it was a beanie baby from McDonald's made no difference.

So, this past weekend, we stashed the kids at Nana's and purged. We filled a whole pick-up truck's bed with bags of clothes and toys to drop off at the donation site. This picture here is just one trip to the truck. It was frightening.

The darlings walked back to their rooms, and Darling Man and I waited in the kitchen. Wait for it....wait for it....."AAAAAGGGGGHHHH!!!!!" Yes, they realized things were different. The worst of all was that we had moved the bed. Second Darling has a "thing" for the bed. It has to be perfectly made and God-forbid if someone sits on it and creases the cover. Yet, I digress....

Just so you don't think we're totally practical heartless, we did leave some toys, stuffed and otherwise, for the kids to enjoy. We just didn't need two tons of stuffed joy. This happened Saturday, and daily so far there have been questions like, "where is yellow marker with the blackend tip and no lid?" Hmmm, let me see.......

Queen Sweeper

Her identity has been distorted to protect her privacy, but I just wanted to let you see that I've got help around the house. Yep, I start 'em young! I don't know if you can tell, but she's getting ready to put on her tiara, because doesn't every woman wear her tiara when vacuuming?

I do.

Don't worry, she was at the end of her day. She'd already scrubbed the toilets and bathed the dog.

Has it come to this?

Ughhhh. This was our lunch. Actually, it was the darlings' lunch, and unfortunately, mine too. I'm just not a spagetti-o and dino bites kind of girl. You would think that chicken scraps nuggets processed cut into dinosaur shapes would make the dinning experience more enjoyable, but alas, it did not.

The darlings were slightly more accepting of this lunch. Little Man entertained us by biting the heads off all of his dinosaurs, then letting out a maniacal laugh after each decapitation. Ha,a,a........... The dino slaughter was the only good thing I can say about the whole lunch.

Man, I need to go out. I've got to get a babysitter so Darling Man and I can go on a date. I need a margarita....a big one....Ha,a,a...........

By the way...what kind of lunatic takes a picture of her lunch?

She Said It Would Happen

Once again, I must doff my hat to my mother. Even as a teenager I can remember her telling me to write names on the back of photos because, "after a few years, you may not remember who it is." What? How could that possibly happen? - I thought in my naive hubris. Well, it happened (I hear you snickering, Mom). One of the darlings came across this picture and asked me who it is. Because I spend all my free time at the spa, Junior League, or shopping, I hadn't taken the time to write the baby's name on the back. Oh, it's Second Darling. Wait a minute, it's First Darling. Let me see that thing!

I was ashamed that I couldn't recognize the back of one of my baby's head. (In a sappy, precious way, this could have been any of my four babies). After studying the picture, I was only able to determine who it is by recognizing the groovy wood paneling behind her. This picture was taken at my parents' previous house...the one they moved from the month after Second Darling was born. Thus, logic tells me that she wouldn't be standing, so therefore it must be the First Darling. Ta-da!

So, be sure to write names on the back of your pictures...because the warnings your mom gave you do come true!

My Party Girl

Yes, dear readers. Those are panties on my daughter's head. Thank God they were from the clean laundry basket. I don't know what possessed her to put them on her head, or why she should try to lock me out of the bathroom when I saw that she had them. What has me worried is that I didn't see this kind of behavior until I was at Baylor U. sorority and frat parties....and those people were drunk! She's less than two years old, and completely sober I hope. This does not bode well.

On another note...Super Dog was almost super-dead when I saw this.....
This is $9-a-jar "Dr. Smith's Diaper Ointment." It started out as a brand new container. Yes, those are teeth marks on the lid. He chewed the lid till he was able to pop it off, then slurped up three quarters of the ointment. (By the way, Dr. Smith's is awesome stuff...for diaper rashes, not dogs). Super Dog did all this while sitting on the couch next to Little Man who was watching an afternoon cartoon. I guess he figured Super Dog knew what he was doing. I couldn't get too mad though, because this is the third jar of Dr. Smith's the dog has eaten. I never thought I'd be choosing diaper rash treatment based on what my dog wouldn't eat.