Mblll.......

I can't even write the sound I make when I think about what I've just done. What could be so horrible you ask? Fishing a Matchbox car out of the toilet? - please. Catching a toddler's vomit in your hands in order to protect your new beautiful comforter? Rookie. No - what causes me to heave is sorting and zip-loc-bagging the bulk meat I bought. Beef and chicken::::shudder. Usually, I handle things as they come, and now that we're on Darling #4, it takes a lot to ruffle me, or for that matter, gross me out. But for this.....blllll....I have to prepare myself.

After waiting as long as possible, you know - when today is the expiration date-I have to set the scene. It takes me ten minutes to clear off my counter space (don't be impressed - I mearly clean the side off that I'm using), then I must 409 the entire area. As that dries (because I doused it) I get all my little baggies...(okay, they're the gallon size b/c my family is larger than average)...opened and labeled. Then, it is the donning of the latex gloves. Oh yes my friend, latex, latex, latex!!!! If I could afford the haz-mat suit, believe it baby!

Qwkkk....I pull open the fridge and find the first tray of meat. Of course, even though I triple bagged it at the store, meat spooge is all over shelf. Bllll. Okay, I kept it down. I drop the tray in the sink, forcing it to fit and bust open the plastic. Eeewwwwww. As I grab the first hunk of ground meat I'm trying not to breathe. Okay, don't think about why the meat is red on top and brown underneath...don't think about it. Finally, the beef is done. Now............the most frightening of all.....the boneless skinless chicken breasts. Aaaagggghhhhhh.

Of course after cleaning off the counter from the beef incident (409-ing, hot water, etc.) I wash my once gloved hands, just for good measure, then get a new pair for the poultry. This has got to be the worst feeling ever. I don't know how surgeons slop around inside squishy bodies. I couldn't keep a ridiculous chicken breast from slipping out of my hands. How in the world do you hold a human liver during surgery and not shoot it across the room? ...don't think about it....don't think about it.....

Now it's all done. I've sufficiently showered and scorched my counter with a blow torch. Is it possible to have OCD as it relates to just one thing? I can't seem to wash my hands enough after bagging this meat. And all this drama just to save a little money by buying in bulk. Am I the only person affected this way by handling raw meat. Yes, dear. I know I would have never survived two hundred years ago...yada, yada, yada. Does my husband know what I go through to put food on his table? If he did, he would laugh and laugh, and laugh.