Hysterically Humbling

Since New Year's, the darlings have been sick in one way or another. It's a major downer. I hate the way the house feels when people are sick...it's just icky. Fourth Darling is the latest virus victim. Saturday night, it was my "turn" to stay up with her. So, all that night, we'd sleep for about forty-five minutes at a time, between crying and bouts of coughing. (FYI - it was Fourth Darling crying..not me). I gave up the dream of actually sleeping in our bed, so we ended up on the couch. The next morning, the other darlings creeped in, one by one. This is when I thank God that in our zeal to "organize" our house we didn't give up cable.

God was good. There was a Phineas & Ferb marathon on the Disney channel. (By the way, if you ever get to watch an episode of Phineas & Ferb, it's great!). I was able to put that on and then half consciously doze. I would get up every so often and drag myself to the kitchen to fill orders for juice, cereal and trail mix. My children are so brilliantly perceptive that they could sense the exact moment that my body would relax and I would find that semi-conscious nirvana, and that's when they would ask for something. It was in one of these moments, where I was actually left alone that I found myself levitated off the couch with the blood curdling scream of Little Man. I was awake, watching his lips move before my hearing kicked in. When it did, between the sobs, I heard him say "There's a peanut in my nose!" What? Surely I'm still in a stupor. Anyway, my kids are not "the kind" that stick things up their noses.

Oh contraire mon frere. To my horror and humiliation, Little Man is exactly the kind of kid who sticks peanuts up his nose. After unsuccessfully coaching him to blow it out his nose, we moved to the bathroom. I pulled out my handy-dandy instruments of torture tweezers and tried to grab the little sucker. No success. I had to then wake Darling Man who was recovering from his night-before-last duty with the sick Fourth Darling. At this time, all the sister Darlings are almost in tears thinking that Little Man's going to suck the peanut into his brain, and I'm calculating the costs of a visit to the emergency room. Just then, Darling Man seriously tells me, "Hold his head." Oh crap. What's he going to do? From somewhere, he produces a dentist's tool. You know, the one they use to clean your teeth. Doesn't everyone have one of these? I've got a death grip on the boy's head, and somehow, Darling Man produces a snotty peanut. Not as horrifyingly gross as one would think - comparatively with the other things that come out of kids' bodies. THANK GOD!

With the danger gone, it was hard not to just bust out laughing. I didn't want to make Little Man feel bad, so I held it in. Later, when I was sure I could keep a straight face, I asked Little Man why he put a peanut in his nose. Looking at me as if I had no insight at all, he told me, "Well, I wanted to see what it was like to be an elephant." Good enough. At least he had a somewhat logical reason. This proves he's not the typical little troglodyte who sticks things up his nose. ;)

So now, he has the confirmation that he is not an elephant, and I'll never buy trail mix again!