I guess it could have been worse

At least she wasn't wielding one of these things! Thursday evening, I was talking on the phone, starting dinner, clearing off the table multi-tasking, when out of the corner of my eye, I see Fourth Darling coming down the hallway, out of our bedroom, slinging an uncapped bottle of furniture oil. She was shaking that thing like it was a champagne bottle after a Super Bowl win.

My floors! Agghhh! My walls. DO NOT PUT THAT IN YOUR MOUTH! Geeeeesshhh.

As I slipped and slid down the hall to get the fatally toxic household cleaner away from her, she laughed and laughed, and thought it'd be fun to run. I was so steamed! I did get it away from her, and let me tell you, I just about threw a temper tantrum myself.

There was oil dripping down the walls, all over our relatively new laid floors and of course, everyone came running through the slippery hall to see what all of the commotion was about. Thankfully, for her sake, and my sanity, Darling Man kept a logical lid on the situation.

Apparently the oil won't ruin my new floors, it only makes us squeak as we walk through the hallway, and the oil wiped off the walls since we were quick about it.

You know the worst thing, out of the whole situation? I had no one to blame but myself, and that just ratcheted the level of "pissivity" up a few notches. I must say, I was proud of my Darling Man. He's a smart one. He didn't even ask me why I wasn't watching her, or why didn't I put the oil away when I was finished using it. Oh, I'm sure he thought it, but he's a genius that way!

Igloos & Idiots

Today Darling Man and I had to have a talk about obedience with Second Darling. All to often, it seems, she sucks us into a "discussion" about whatever it is we've asked of her, and we end up in the middle of this "discussion" before we realize it.

I think this discussion began because we told all the darlings to go out into the backyard to play while we finished preparing dinner. Well, it was above 78 degrees, so Second Darling languished by the back door, telling us all the reasons she didn't want to go outside. The point was that we told her to go outside.

So, in our discussion of obedience, I for some unknown reason mentioned that "We know you are smart, smarter than some adults, but just because you think you're smarter or have a better reason, you still have to obey." Sounds pretty good, huh? It backfired within milliseconds.

The abstract discussion of immediate obedience, and all that entails theologically (God tells us to obey) and practically (if you don't you'll get the spanking spoon) somehow moved into discussing the particular incident of Second Darling's reluctance to go outside. One of the Darling Parents I'm not naming names, mentioned something about Eskimos living in igloos would love to be able to play in a backyard in the warm humid, stifling Texas summer. Without missing a beat, Second Darling continued in debate mode and stated that people don't live in igloos anymore silly rabbit. Then she dropped the bomb: "You're right, I am smarter than some adults." Whhhhaaaaattttt?????

(Now in her defense, I know in my heart she was not directing this personally at either one of the Darling Parents, but just rather a statement remember, she's compelled to say everything that she thinks, "Yes, I do believe I am a lot smarter than a lot of adults." Somehow we'll be working the character trait of humility into our curriculum this year).

Oh my gosh, if I had been drinking anything, I swear it would have shot right out my nose. I couldn't even look at Darling Man. I had to let my laughter out or else I would have had a stroke from keeping it in. Her timing was impeccable! She then was quite sheepish when she realized that her statement sounded like she was criticizing her beloved, wonderful, super-cool Darling Parents. We assured her that we knew she wasn't being malicious, and that no matter how smart and adult was, or was not, she has to immediately obey.

Holy cow...I'll remember this forever. I'm sure when she's sticking it to the man, and fighting the system, I'll look back on this discussion as a forerunner to her revolutionary tendencies.

Working a great supply buzz

Ahhh. It's beautiful isn't it? School supplies. Yes, I'll admit it. I've been a school supply junkie since I can remember. I can specifically remember the animated raccoon on my third grade notebook, and let's not forget the required-for-every-American-girl-horse TrapperKeeper!

Let me tell you, I got giddy when I saw composition books on sale for five cents a piece! Agghhhhh!!! I think I've hit nirvana. Oh yes, these supplies, pictured here, are for my children, well, most of them are for the kids. In order to extend the rush, NO ONE is to touch the supplies, until I pass them out on that glorious first day of school. Yes, I am a dork. Actually, just call me Queen of the Dorks. So be it.

I wonder if a psychologist would link my decision to go back to graduate school to my enjoyment of all things school supply-ish? Hmmmm?

Darling Man absolutely doesn't understand this thrill. When I was getting up early to shop for the hallowed school supplies right before fifth grade, he was sporting his Indiana Jones hat, probably swinging from tree to tree. So, now with his own spawn, he doesn't see the big deal about The Supplies.

I know that there are fellow dorks out there, whether or not you will admit it.
Enjoy your school supply hunt. I will relish every fresh, unused note pad, unsharpened pencil and fresh, un-mixed-up box of markers!

Happy Birthday to Me!

Sunday was my birthday. Yea me. I dare not tell you which birthday it was. Darling Man had to work, but I ventured out with the Darlings to church on my own. The Darlings looked great, and we were actually enough ahead of schedule that we were able to stop and get traditional Sunday-morning-donuts.

In between Sunday School and worship service, I corralled them all into the bathroom in hopes of avoiding the mid-service stampede. Of course, cramming all five of us into the stall was bound to have consequences. Luckily, the only casualty was my rarely-worn pantyhose. So, before we left the ladies' room, I just took off the hose and threw them away. At least, the no-hose look is in style at the moment.

As soon as service started, the drama began, as if on cue. "I'm bored. When will it be over? Can we just leave now?" Ridiculous! You would think these were heathens from the jungle who had never been in church before. Little Man got so bored that he decided to lift the back of my skirt up. UP, I say! I think I almost broke his arm trying to get my skirt back down. Did I mention that this was the first time we had visited this particular church. Great way to make an impression.

Just as we got into the van, my in-laws called and invited us out to lunch for my birthday. How sweet. Never to turn down a restaurant meal, we agreed to meet. Now, because I am a reluctant cook, my kids have been going to restaurants since they were literally just days old. It's not like this was the first time I let them out of the cage house. Well, as we were waiting for our waitress and then for our food, I thought my children had lost their ever-loving-minds. Little man was trying to climb over Darling Mother-in-Law's back. Fourth Darling was demanding to suck on the empty ketchup bottle. Of course I let her, because hey, I wanted to enjoy my diet coke. Third Darling was ready to leave before the waitress even got our drink orders - she was bored. Good Lord! Darling In-Laws were very gracious and helpful with the handful of worms children, so it wasn't a totally horrible lunch. I managed to enjoy it for the mere fact that my children were fed and I didn't have to clean up after them!

After lunch, we drove home as quickly as possible and began "quiet time." This is code for "I banished everyone to their own rooms with strict instructions to BE QUIET!" They actually did pretty good, which was a great birthday gift.

Readers!!!!!

Yea! I have just "met" a reader on my buddy map that I don't know personally! Yes, that's a strange sentence, I know. But Susan, from Happy Camp, California, yes, I googled it and it is a real place, signed my buddy map! Apparently there's been some kind of Big Foot sightings in that area. Cool!

I am so excited because someone I don't know, and who doesn't know my crazy clan, actually reads my blog! I have wonderful family and friends who read, but often in my "I'll never be a writer" funk, I think they're just reading to be nice.

Thanks for signing my map, Susan! For any of you other readers who haven't done it yet, please sign it! It's so cool to see where my readers live!

Is it really that bad?

Last night I found myself staring in disbelief as I watched Second Darling literally scraping her lasagna clean of all cheese and sauce. What was even more astounding was the growing pile of paper napkins that she was discarding as she used them to do her dirty work. Fourth darling had sauce everywhere, I think, except on the piano, and here Second Darling is teetering on OCD with pasta! This was one of those moments where my brain said, "Be a grown-up. Don't say anything. It's her food, let her eat it the way she wants." I actually listened this time, but it sure was hard not to say "What's the big deal?" Darling Man would insert here that this commentary is coming from the girl who wouldn't accept a chipped cookie as a child. So that's his two cents. I think I've come a long way baby. Well, maybe she is a lot like me, even if she looks just like him.

On another subject, meet Lola. - our newest contestant in the game show that is our life. She's soooo sweet! Of course, it took her two nights of howling to wear us down. Now she's in our bed, actually curled up next to Darling Man's pillow. Oh well. If scraping pasta sauce off cooked noodles doesn't freak us out, a dog on the bed is no big deal!

Date Night

Ahhh. The planets aligned, and Darling Man and I were actually able to go out on a date. Darling Grandmom and Grandpa worked crowd control at our house, buying off the darlings with corn dogs and Spider Man cake.

We drive in the oh so sexy minivan to a nice little bakery/bistro. You know - one where you place an order at the counter and then they call your number when it's ready? (Yea, yea, it's just a step up from McDonald's, but it is a step up, nonetheless). Darling Man gives the order, and when the order chick asks "will that complete your order?" he said "Yes." ??????? I looked at him and said "You better be paying for mine! considering the government won't subsidize me raising his spawn. He turned a darling shade of red. As I left him at the counter to pay, I heard him sheepishly explaining to order chick that he's just so used to ordering lunch individually at work. Wow. Out to lunch.....with grown ups.....nice. I digress. Anyway, it is a very rare occasion that I actually have something to tease him about. Usually it's me making the gaffs, losing his wallet or burning the clutch out on his truck. We had a nice time visiting over dinner. I actually enjoyed eating, and remembered what it was I ate since I didn't have to answer five kazillion trillion questions all at the same time.

But wait - the romance continues. After dinner we went to the bookstore. Each of us had $40 to spend on books. This was such an exciting prospect that we ditched each other at the door to go on our own treasure hunt. This confirms our induction into Gamma Gamma Geek, the local secret society for full on geeks. By-the-way, contrary to popular belief, the above pic is not actually me and Darling Man. I don't know who those people are.