Days You Could Just Scream

Our Father's Day weekend started off with a thud. On Friday, Second Darling got really sick. I had an appointment for 3:30pm. Around 2pm, she got really sick, really quick. She's been having "tummy" issues, and this was just really bad, with a fever of 103 that came on so quickly. I didn't want to wait until 3:30 because of course, I thought something was really wrong.

We picked up Darling Grandmom, (who always rides shotgun) and flew down the expressway to Darling Man's hospital. The hospital has an Express Clinic. Silly me, I thought that meant fast. I didn't think we were in need of the emergency room yet, but I figured if it was her appendix, we could just be moved into the ER which was all at the same location.

By the time we arrive at the hospital, Second Darling is yacking and can barely walk. Darling Man meets us downstairs to walk us to the Express Clinic. I send Darling Grandmom, with the minivan and other Darlings, back home to wait. I figured after we're seen, we can just wait until Darling Man is finished for the day and then ride home with him.

We sign-in and I send Darling Man back to work while we wait to be seen. We sit there with the unwashed masses, and I'm thinking "any minute they'll call us." Well, they called us, after an hour, to fill out the paperwork. The wait to see the doctor would be short, about three hours. Whaaatttt????? Darling Man was there when I heard this and stepped between me and the woman who was growing into her office chair. "I thought this was supposed to be E-X-P-R-E-S-S" I growled. Darling Man informed me it was express - a three to six hour wait to see a doctor is express compared to waiting twenty (yes, 2-0) hours in the emergency room for non-life-threatening situations.

I came here because I thought she'd be seen quicker, and now I'm being told that I gave up a perfectly good appointment to sit and wait three to six hours to see someone? I could feel my vein bulging in my forehead. I was so mad, and only at myself. Darling Man gingerly said "I wondered why you came here." I had nothing to say.

A bit of my grandmother reared up in me and almost jumped on the counter, refusing to wait, demanding to see the doctor, but I controlled myself. Darling Man offered his truck to me to take Second Darling to the Texas MedClinic. Okay. We walked downstairs with Darling Man (and his bad back) carrying Second Darling. We're on our way out the electric doors when he asks if I have keys to his truck. Nope. Tantrum number two is on its way.

He gets us settled into his truck because his truck is so old that it's easy to break into it - we do it all the time, sick kid and all, and then runs up six flights of stairs (with his tweaked back) to get his keys. Second Darling is literally begging to go home. I feel like, well, crap, (the only word I can think of to use). How could I have made such a stupid mistake? I'm talking to Sick Darling, when Darling Man runs up on the drivers side like a car jacker. He's lucky I don't carry a gun - yet. I turn the truck on, give him a quick and curt smooch, and as I pull out of the parking spot, he says "don't forget you have to pump the clutch sometimes." Okay, whatever.

Well, we get out of the parking lot, and onto the main thoroughfare when the clutch refuses to work. I'm "pumping" like a crazy person, praying out loud, which is freaking out Sick Darling. Traffic in late afternoon in the medical center is crazy. I'm pulling my shoulder muscles trying to jam the stick shift into gear, to no avail. After a few thousands pumps, (and waving angry med students around us), the truck lurched into first gear. Okay, just get back to the hospital. Well, of course we hit the first red light we come upon. Once again, no clutch. Aaaaagggggghhhhhhh!
Once again, I randomly get it back into first gear and limp the whole way to the gas station at the end of the block. We'll just call Darling Man. I can smell the burning clutch.

Not so fast, smarty pants. Where's the cell phone? Aaagggghhhhh! Okay, I'll go into the gas station, buy a much needed Diet Coke and get some cash back so I can use the cootie-fied public phone. I take Sick Darling in the gas station with me. It's so crammed with stuff that it's oppressive. Sick Darling is begging to sit down. Not on this floor! I get a bottle of soda, hand Habeeb my check card, and ask for $5 cash back, with at least four quarters. "Sorry - no cash back here." Aaaaagggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Are you freak'n kidding me? So, I paid $1.50 on my check card for a soda, and nothing else.

Sick Darling is looking horrible. I see an office building across a busy street. I used to see an obstetrician there, so I thought I could use his phone and keep Sick Darling in an air conditioned area. This whole time I'm praying that she's not on the verge of rupturing her appendix. As we're standing at the crossing lights, waiting, and waiting, and waiting, and waiting for the lights to change, I hear my phone ringing. I know it's not in my purse, but where is it? I checked the vomit bucket we'd been carrying around, but nope, not there either. It was in my pocket.

I told Darling Man what happened and where we were. He instructed us to sit tight and he'd be there in a minute. Now I'm encouraging Sick Darling, "Just hold on, Daddy's on his way." She's still begging to go home. By now I'm sweaty, stinky, and totally exasperated, all while trying to put a good spin on it for Sick Darling.

One of Darling Man's friends brought him to us, and we slid over in his micro-truck, and he drove us effortlessly to the Texas MedClinic. After this driving fiasco, I think my right arm is now slightly more muscular than the left, just from trying to shift gears.

We get to the MedClinic, we're seen in about twenty minutes. Of course, by now, it's 5:30pm - two hour after my originally scheduled doctor's appointment that I'm kicking myself for canceling.

The doctor diagnoses Sick Darling with a stomach virus within two seconds of seeing her, and prescribes a shot of something for nausea. Forget trying to spell the name of it. Within about ten minutes of the shot, she's asleep on the exam table. As Darling Man carries his sleeping Darling to the truck, the doctor reminds us that this stomach virus is particularly contagious, so expect everyone else to get it too. Aaaaaggggghhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

By the way, after all of this I felt so grimy, so gross and so utterly unable to make good decisions. I so totally questioned what has happened to me. I used to be smart enough to work with millions of dollars of the government's money, and now I can't even make logical decisions when it comes to going to a doctor's appointment. Well, I am just now climbing out of the abyss of my identity crisis and I'm now deciding that it was just a particularly crappy, crappy day.

Thank God, He gives us new days.

PS: Little man started hurling at 1am that night, but brother and sister are almost back to normal now, and thankfully nobody else seems to be getting it.

Dinner at Our House

Most nights, dinnertime is an adventure - to say the least. This is partly because I am not a chef, and cooking is not one of my favorite things to do. As a result, I usually put preparation off until the very last minute. This is also the time of day when all of the darlings are s-t-a-r-v-i-n-g and driving me crazy begging for food. I'm trying to fix dinner, carefully following the recipe because I can't "wing it" in the kitchen while the natives are dancing around me wailing "I'm hungwy, I'm hungwy....waa...."
Well, tonight, I actually had my act somewhat together, and had the king ranch chicken put together and in the oven, with the automatic turn-off set (first time to use that feature) so that we could - as a family - go swimming at our neighborhood pool. It worked out well - dinner cooked and the house didn't burn down. I'll have to try that again.

Above is a picture of Fourth Darling at the table tonight. Yes, that is a baby doll and yes, she's getting ready to salt it. The little cannibal had already finished her casserole, and had downed about half a watermelon, so to finish off she was going for the baby. That doesn't bode well for the future.

Tonight at the table was great, though. It was one of those evenings that I always want to remember. We talked, and laughed, and it was truly wonderful. Second darling used "air quotes" on me, which was a little unnerving, but Darling Man and I cracked up, none-the-less.

Now, what am I going to fix for tomorrow night?

Cutest Snores

How is that everything your kids do is cute? Second Darling is at this very moment, sleeping right next to me on the couch as I type. She's softly snoring, and I'll be darn, it's the cutest thing! I know couples who have gone to having their own bedrooms because of snoring, so how is it that her snoring is so endearing?

Fourth Darling has decided that it's time to potty train, (she's 22 months old). When she first started telling me to take her to the bathroom, I thought "great! No more diapers!" Well, like most things, there's good and bad. The bad is that now she no longer wants to wear diapers, pull-ups, or even underwear. She's going commando, and it's driving me crazy. (Don't forget I have new wood floors!). I looked up today from loading the dishwasher to see her "full moon" streaking by. I almost had to hog tie her in the kitchen to get a diaper on and then I had to find the tightest shorts she had so that she couldn't slip out of them. I'm sure if someone had heard her, they would be convinced I was trying to brand her or something, but no, just trying to keep her modestly covered. Aye carumba!

Texas Has the Best Dinos

Who would have thought to look in North Texas for dinosaurs?! Apparently, lots of people! We were up in Glen Rose, Texas for a Darling Family Reunion. Lots of fun! One of the outings was to explore the Creation Museum, which, actually was quite a disappointment. How funny is it to be driving down a rural road in Texas, to come upon Rexy here? Of course the little Darlings l-o-v-e-d it. But just down the road was DINOSAUR WORLD - a fabulous example of secular natural history marketing. We paid just over $50 for the three older darlings to get to dig in a sand box for fossils that were probably bought in bulk from China. There was also a "museum," and I use that term very loosely - I think all of the "fossils" were castings of real fossils. Dinosaur World's gift shop was double the size of the "museum." Still, it was a kitschy blast!

It was hot...very hot. The little cabin we stayed in was not a log cabin, much to the Darlings' dismay. It was actually a modified mobile home which was converted into small little efficiency rooms. Tres chic! The rooms did have window unit air conditioners, which I was very thankful to have - or so I thought. The way those units just shoot cold air straight out is so lovely. In an 8x8 foot room, it takes about ten minutes to become super cold. Of course in the pre-travel frenzy, our blankets were left behind. I slept with a towel over my face the whole night because it was so cold that it hurt to breathe. We were in that vacation hell where if we turned the a/c down, we'd swelter but if we kept it set where it was, we froze. We also got to experience the fascinating feel of both freezing and sweating at the same time. Is that even possible? Somehow, in the humidity of Texas, it is. Nothing like that fresh, sticky feeling to wake up with in the morning.

These vacations are good because they give us time to be a family together, and it also makes us really appreciate central air.

The Mastermind and Her Muscle

Doesn't this just look like a future mug shot? Bonnie and Clyde? Just so you'll quit wondering, The Enforcer, aka Little Man, has not just licked a hallucinogenic frog, but Fourth Darling is definitely scheming. Be afraid of the wee little one - she'll have you swimming with the fishes, and I'm not joking. No one will even know you're missing until it's too late.

My Overdue Rant

First, this is a freaking hilarious cake.

Secondly, the source of my rant today, apt pupils, is how crappy grants and financial aid can be for college students. Now that I'm on my way back to grad school to finish what I started before Fourth Darling made her stealthy appearance, I am on the prowl for grants, fellowships, scholarships, anything that can help subsidise this endeavor. I always hear about "money for students that goes unclaimed." Bull. I'd be happy to claim a bit o' that pie, but apparently, I miss the requirements on every mark. My latest teeth-clenching episode was when I received notice of a new fellowship that is available for grad students in my field. Yea!!!! I'm on it. Then I read the notice a little more. While I am "invited" to apply for it (filling out a form and writing an essay, submitting documents, etc.), it reads, "please be aware that single parents will be given priority over grade point average." Whaaaaaatttttt???????? So, I'm asking Darling Man for a divorce.

Noooo....not really. But how discouraging is that? Oh, I'm still going to submit my package, but why isn't there any fellowships for single-income families who are trying to raise their kids to be productive citizens, while going back to school and totally disrupting the family routine? I think I also might have a better shot if I were a one-legged-lesbian-minority-transvestite- natural catastrophe-survivor. And if you happen to be a one-legged-lesbian-minority-transvestite- natural catastrophe-survivor, and you don't like what I just wrote....I don't care.

By-the-way: ha ha...two posts in one day!

Summer Slump?

Okay, okay. I know it's just a few minutes short of being exactly a month since I last posted....but hear me out. This has been a wild and crazy month, and it's not over yet!

We had "The Wedding" of Darling Brother and his Bavarian love. It was a gorgeous wedding, and the Darlings were overjoyed to be a part of it. Well, at least the female darlings were. Little Man looked like he was off to his execution. I hope he's a little more excited at his own wedding one day.
He only became a little more ticked off when he found out he had to wear a "fwower" (commonly known in English as a flower). He actually did great. He wasn't happy about it, but he was a good sport.

Fourth Darling almost sailed down the aisle, and was only saved by grabbing her older sister's skirt. Unfortunately, Second Darling didn't know that Fourth Darling was getting tangled up in the aisle runner, so she kept swatting at Fourth Darling, all while walking down the aisle. It was quite funny. Little Man had no patience for these females, so he decided to pass those two
as if he were a race car sling-shotting (is that a word?) around his sisters.

But wait, we're not done yet! The day after the wedding, Darling Man's sister came into town for the first time in two years. So the kids were chomping at the bit to see their cousin, with whom they played for hours in an ancient sprinkler. They had a blast and we had a nice visit.

Now we have a about three days before we leave for a family reunion. I'm excited because instead of counting it as a business expense, I am counting it as a science class because there's a huge fossil deposit in the state park near our location. I think though, that Little Man is expecting some real dinosaurs...hmmm....how are we going to pull that off? So I'm hoping to have some wild and crazy stories and photos to post. With this many darlings, that almost a sure bet!