My Overdue Rant

First, this is a freaking hilarious cake.

Secondly, the source of my rant today, apt pupils, is how crappy grants and financial aid can be for college students. Now that I'm on my way back to grad school to finish what I started before Fourth Darling made her stealthy appearance, I am on the prowl for grants, fellowships, scholarships, anything that can help subsidise this endeavor. I always hear about "money for students that goes unclaimed." Bull. I'd be happy to claim a bit o' that pie, but apparently, I miss the requirements on every mark. My latest teeth-clenching episode was when I received notice of a new fellowship that is available for grad students in my field. Yea!!!! I'm on it. Then I read the notice a little more. While I am "invited" to apply for it (filling out a form and writing an essay, submitting documents, etc.), it reads, "please be aware that single parents will be given priority over grade point average." Whaaaaaatttttt???????? So, I'm asking Darling Man for a divorce.

Noooo....not really. But how discouraging is that? Oh, I'm still going to submit my package, but why isn't there any fellowships for single-income families who are trying to raise their kids to be productive citizens, while going back to school and totally disrupting the family routine? I think I also might have a better shot if I were a one-legged-lesbian-minority-transvestite- natural catastrophe-survivor. And if you happen to be a one-legged-lesbian-minority-transvestite- natural catastrophe-survivor, and you don't like what I just wrote....I don't care.

By-the-way: ha ha...two posts in one day!

Summer Slump?

Okay, okay. I know it's just a few minutes short of being exactly a month since I last posted....but hear me out. This has been a wild and crazy month, and it's not over yet!

We had "The Wedding" of Darling Brother and his Bavarian love. It was a gorgeous wedding, and the Darlings were overjoyed to be a part of it. Well, at least the female darlings were. Little Man looked like he was off to his execution. I hope he's a little more excited at his own wedding one day.
He only became a little more ticked off when he found out he had to wear a "fwower" (commonly known in English as a flower). He actually did great. He wasn't happy about it, but he was a good sport.

Fourth Darling almost sailed down the aisle, and was only saved by grabbing her older sister's skirt. Unfortunately, Second Darling didn't know that Fourth Darling was getting tangled up in the aisle runner, so she kept swatting at Fourth Darling, all while walking down the aisle. It was quite funny. Little Man had no patience for these females, so he decided to pass those two
as if he were a race car sling-shotting (is that a word?) around his sisters.

But wait, we're not done yet! The day after the wedding, Darling Man's sister came into town for the first time in two years. So the kids were chomping at the bit to see their cousin, with whom they played for hours in an ancient sprinkler. They had a blast and we had a nice visit.

Now we have a about three days before we leave for a family reunion. I'm excited because instead of counting it as a business expense, I am counting it as a science class because there's a huge fossil deposit in the state park near our location. I think though, that Little Man is expecting some real dinosaurs...hmmm....how are we going to pull that off? So I'm hoping to have some wild and crazy stories and photos to post. With this many darlings, that almost a sure bet!

Ding Dong the Van is Dead

Yea! The big green van is officially gone! We sold it!!!! Somebody actually gave us money for it. I was a bit chagrined at the calls we got about it.

Darling Man worked really hard detailing the van. It sparkled. We came to realize that in the two plus years we've had it, we never washed it. Never. N-E-V-E-R. He was even able to get the petrified happy meal smell out of it.

The first call we got was from some guy who was wanting to buy it "for a bunch of nuns in Alice, TX." Seriously, this is what he said. Of course, Darling Man was very suspicious. I didn't care....as long as the nun's had dollars and not pesos, I could make a deal! The potential buyer asked me to take the van to his mechanic (way on the South side of town). So naturally, wanting to get rid of the beast, I obliged.

At the mechanic's shop, I thought I'd try to get the sliding door to shut just a little better. Remember, the door had a fear of latching. Anyway, I gave it a good slam and push, and then I couldn't get it to open again. Great. We brought it twenty miles from home to have the door jam on me. Agghhhhh!!!! After almost pulling my back out trying to open it, I was ready for my usual Diet Coke, so, "whatever" and I climbed into our lovely, 21st century, Japanese minivan with dual sliding doors, where my mom was waiting to take me back home. Needless to say, the man who was supposedly buying this for the nuns backed out because it was running rough. Yea? What do you expect for a twelve year old van that's been through four kids who jam french fries into the air vents?

Thankfully, we had a few more calls. On Sunday, we showed it to a man who brought two friends with him. They checked the engine, which any wise buyer would do, but I thought I was seeing things when I could have sworn one of the men TASTED the transmission fluid. What....?????? Yes. He did. I don't know if he was trying to intimidate us with his immense knowledge of the many types of vehicle fluids, or what, but when he offered us $800 for the van, I almost made him eat the dip stick. He actually whined about "gee, I really need a van, but all I can do is $800." Darling Man was so nice. He explained that that was just way to low. Then the haggler walked over to me and tried to convince me to accept the low-ball offer. Apparently he didn't know that Darling Man was the more sympathetic one. It didn't take me two seconds to say "NOPE. No Deal. Adios!"

Finally a second little guy showed up and paid us what we want. A-W-E-S-O-M-E!

Sum'thin Stuk

Hallelujah! I got a wonderful surprise today when Darling Mother-in-Law told me about First Darling using "plagiarism" in a sentence. She was quite impressed. So was I! How many nine year old kids do you know who can appropriately use "plagiarism" in a sentence?

Darling MIL even asked her what it meant, and First Darling explained that it was stealing another person's idea.

You know what this means, right? Yea!!!! Something has stuck in homeschooling! Of course, if I had been a betting mother, I wouldn't have put much on the definition of "plagiarism," but I'll take it!

We had actually discussed the concept of plagiarism, but it was just a mention. It's amazing what they'll remember. I'll start polishing my tiara now. Not too bad.....

I'm So Old....and Uncool

Facebook, MySpace...ugh...I'm so out of it. Some friends and I are trying to set up a user-friendly web group for our group of homeschooling friends. (Yes, I know that sentence just oozes with nerdy-goodness). We thought using Facebook or MySpace would be the easiest and cheapest way, so that we wouldn't have to pay a webmaster. Now, that extortion payment isn't looking so bad.

After suspiciously turning over my name and info to these two "social networking sites" I thought it should be easy as pie to set up a group of friends, create a group calendar and have some kind of message board. Well......not so much.

Facebook has this thing called a poke. Yes, I know. I agree it sounds obscene. In real like if someone pokes me, he, she or it better be ready to pull back a stump. Apparently, it's a good thing in cyberspace. I still don't really know what it is, or why it is (metaphysically speaking).

I never fancied myself a hipster on the cutting edge of anything, but I felt like I could usually hold my own, or at least fake it long enough to get through what I needed to do. Well, I'm slowing down in my old age. What kills me is that these troglodytes (love that word!) that work at McJobs have these elaborate pages, and I'm freaking out because I got "poked". Snob, you say? Yep, heard it...you're probably right.

If you're one of those that has no idea what I'm talking about and I'm not sure I know exactly, just jaunt on over to one of these sites and set yourself up with a page. You'll be yearning for the good 'ol days of rotary phones and remote controls that were attached to your television by a six foot cord.

In my cyber-angst, Darling Man's words of encouragement were "don't hurt yourself." Of course in all of my ineptitude, I'll probably "red-flag" somewhere, and the men in black will be knocking on my door.

By-the-way, Darling Man turns thirty-five on Sunday....why does that sound so much more grown-up than thirty-four?

Wow

Sunday the four darlings and I visited a new church. Darling Man was working his obligatory weekend, so of course, anarchy reigned.

On our way there, everyone was grumbling about going. Once we were there, though, their tunes changed. It was a much smaller congregation than our megalo-church that we attend at the moment. The campus was tucked into a lovely wooded area that blended with the environment rather than dominated it.

I digress....my first two darlings are pretty shy when they are out of their comfort zone. So, I was heartily surprised that when the pastor asked for two children to volunteer to collect the offering, First Darling was on her feet before I knew it. Then I blinked, and she was up front next to the pastor, blessing the offering. I was so thrilled! In most circumstances she is quite subdued and reserved, but she was bold in serving the Lord! Aahhhhhh....how sweet. Children truly are a blessing.

I know I am usually quite the cynic and smarty-pants, but this was precious. I hope I'll always remember it.

Now you may ask, because of the picture with this post, "did you visit a Catholic church?" I would reply, "No dear one. I just like to think of my daughter like this because the idea of her and dealing with boys growing up scares me to death!"

By-the-way: Once again I've been behind in my posts. During March every single one of us, including Darling Grandparents, got the respiratory flu. Shut up if you're wondering if we got the flu shot. So, I hope to be more diligent in my postings from now on. If anyone gets sick again, I'm checking into the Omni by myself.

Grocery Shopping Tantrum

Teasers from news shows always reel me in. "How to buy groceries for a month for as little as $100." "This mom of seven spends $50 on groceries." "Suburban mom actually makes money when she grocery shops!"

I clip coupons, I buy in bulk, and I've read every grocery shopping tips website, and our grocery bill is still close to $800 a month!

Apparently there's some pot-o-gold place to live in America where grocery stores triple coupons and have awesome sales. Not in Texas. Here it seems as if we're lucky to use a manufacturer's coupon, one per person.

Last week I did our bi-monthly shopping at our local warehouse extortioner store. I bought only necessities. Milk (three gallons), eggs (two dozen), bread (two loaves), cereal, toilet paper (36 rolls), apple juice (four gallons), etc. Okay, maybe the grapes were a splurge since it's not officially spring yet. It's a double edged sword though, because I'd rather have the kids snacking on fruits and veggies, but there so freak'in expensive. No cookies, no fruit chewies, no Cheeze-Its (much to Second Darling's dismay), and no diapers (bought them last time). When the poor, unsuspecting checker told me the total, I almost had an aneurysm. Aaaaggghhhh!!!! I didn't even have everything on my list....I still had to get some things at a traditional supermarket. $65 was just fruit and vegetables!!!!

What terrifies me to my very soul is that I hear horror stories about how much teenagers eat. Holy cow! My oldest is only nine!

My parents just smile and think I'm ranting when I talk about planting a garden because I can't keep houseplants alive and smuggling a few chickens into the backyard (for their eggs). I'm only half kidding. A few more grocery trips with $65 worth of oranges and lettuce, and you'll find my kids digging plowing up the backyard. It's about time I put them to work, anyway.